I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
