you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
