dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
