I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Say something about gay babies.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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