I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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