I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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