I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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