i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
