Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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