she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
