The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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