we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
