awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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