I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
