I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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