well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
