i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
