i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
