If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
