I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
