That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
