your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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