im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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