there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.