he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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