Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.

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  (805): My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family. http://tfl.nu/yv4f
  Replies (29) Good night (5708) Bad night (871)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.

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  (828): just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot. http://tfl.nu/vfy9
  Replies (26) Good night (12340) Bad night (859)
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  (310): View more from California

  kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.

  (1-310): View more from California

  damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.

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  (310): kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley. (1-310): damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now. http://tfl.nu/1545
  Replies (65) Good night (2717) Bad night (3662)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text

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  (512): we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text http://tfl.nu/5zju
  Replies (7) Good night (3582) Bad night (719)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.

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  (914): Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine. http://tfl.nu/4xx7
  Replies (8) Good night (827) Bad night (6952)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!

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  (845): I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/6xbj
  Replies (42) Good night (2632) Bad night (7151)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.

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  (717): man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks. http://tfl.nu/cdmu
  Replies (18) Good night (4489) Bad night (1392)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I have surprise drugs for everyone

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  (404): I have surprise drugs for everyone http://tfl.nu/7gjj
  Replies (11) Good night (2901) Bad night (1029)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr

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  (507): Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr http://tfl.nu/hq3c
  Replies (3) Good night (1162) Bad night (644)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.

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  (937): I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it. http://tfl.nu/wtlk
  Replies (8) Good night (2568) Bad night (716)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.

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  (614): It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment. http://tfl.nu/va62
  Replies (5) Good night (718) Bad night (563)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!

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  (404): It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff! http://tfl.nu/0n5x
  Replies (5) Good night (905) Bad night (433)
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  (949): View more from California

  Amanda bynes is my spirit animal

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  (949): Amanda bynes is my spirit animal http://tfl.nu/eohy
  Replies (2) Good night (774) Bad night (555)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.

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  (202): He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today. http://tfl.nu/mcan
  Replies (2) Good night (1218) Bad night (387)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.

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  (314): When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor. http://tfl.nu/ygxz
  Replies (5) Good night (998) Bad night (404)

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