The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend