hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Randomize
