Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.

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(416): The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look. http://tfl.nu/2p75

Replies (13) Good night (744) Bad night (3366)
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(720): View more from Colorado

turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"

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(720): turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen" http://tfl.nu/kas3

Replies (20) Good night (8299) Bad night (750)
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(720): View more from Colorado

When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy

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(720): When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy http://tfl.nu/04on

Replies (25) Good night (5882) Bad night (846)
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(512): View more from Texas

He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.

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(512): He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice. http://tfl.nu/cehn

Replies (7) Good night (913) Bad night (3154)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.

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(404): Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy. http://tfl.nu/vwp7

Replies (14) Good night (4320) Bad night (1405)
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(630): View more from Illinois

hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?

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(630): hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night? http://tfl.nu/6bu9

Replies (5) Good night (2082) Bad night (863)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.

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(602): I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now. http://tfl.nu/tbsd

Replies (24) Good night (2274) Bad night (732)
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(301): View more from Maryland

FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.

(727): View more from Florida

MAS TEQUILA.

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(301): FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE. (727): MAS TEQUILA. http://tfl.nu/9ggd

Replies (3) Good night (1381) Bad night (570)
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(419): View more from Ohio

How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?

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(419): How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter? http://tfl.nu/8q8x

Replies (4) Good night (595) Bad night (899)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things

(1-443): View more from Maryland

Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.

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(443): Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things (1-443): Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit. http://tfl.nu/9byp

Replies (2) Good night (356) Bad night (757)
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(816): View more from Missouri

We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.

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(816): We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri. http://tfl.nu/7urx

Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (325)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."

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(202): Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis. (202): Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery." http://tfl.nu/nxhj

Replies (5) Good night (1273) Bad night (293)
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(386): View more from Florida

You've never sent a girl a dick pic?

(772): View more from Florida

Call me old fashioned

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(386): You've never sent a girl a dick pic? (772): Call me old fashioned http://tfl.nu/i7x8

Replies (6) Good night (1314) Bad night (273)
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(786): View more from Florida

I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.

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(786): I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun. http://tfl.nu/ptqr

Replies (0) Good night (377) Bad night (222)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.

(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.

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(651): I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant. (715): I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40. http://tfl.nu/ewh2

Replies (3) Good night (618) Bad night (403)

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