You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.