It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
