im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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