Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
