I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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