I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
