Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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