so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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