I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
