it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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