I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
