Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
