12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
