You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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