your room smells of hookers.
And success
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
