She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
