May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
