Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
