our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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