This is not my ceiling
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
