I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
