Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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