he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
