True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
