Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
