Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
