3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
