if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
