Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
