so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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