I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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