Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
