i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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