He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
