Define "chronic" masturbator.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
