at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
