I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
