why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
