what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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