im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
