I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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