Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
