I'm drive I can fine osifer
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All the doctor said was why
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
