He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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