Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have post one night stand depression
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