U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
NoShamevember. You game?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
